Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
