Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
