we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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