I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
