i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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