Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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