I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
