I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
