My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Who died my cat blue again?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
