when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize