dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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