I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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