Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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