is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
