How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I want a musical about memes.
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