I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize