Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
