my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
