would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
