hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
