Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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