Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
