I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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