I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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