dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
