my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
