How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
