I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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