3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
