once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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