ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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