Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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