This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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