Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
lets start a swedish sibling band together
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
