I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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