You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
