well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
