I just found puke in my bra..
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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