you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
