Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
