you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
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