bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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