The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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