Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
How many fucks given?
0.12846
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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