my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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