i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
my penis made a compromise with my morals
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
