I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
