So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
