I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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