Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
