i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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