i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
you had me at cake vodka
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
