His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
