I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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