Quick, to the slutcave!
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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