so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
