Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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