don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize