I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
