Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
