I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize