But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
