3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
