I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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