I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
