im drinking this country out of the recession.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
