She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
