You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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