i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I want her autograph on my taint
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
