i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
