'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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