you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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