He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
