You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
