he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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