it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize