I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Holy shit dude........stairs
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