hell yes lets make some ravioli
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
