nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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