I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
