I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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