Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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