How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Randomize
