are you so shy because you have an std?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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