So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
