put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
