I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
