Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
