this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
