Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
