i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
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