hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize