Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My vagina is officially offended.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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