It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
meet me or not, i'm out of control
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
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