handjob tips. give me some.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
