we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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