im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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