after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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