So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
